Food as judge

Wow, just wow. These posts offer some powerful stuff.

How often do we witness people complimenting others on their weight loss and how good or “healthy” they look? How often do we judge and make assumptions about others by what they eat? How often are we afraid of being judged by what we eat and of even simply eating in front of others?

An incredible and very personal commentary on how society judges us by what, where and how we eat was written by a recovering anorectic who says she’s still in the first, shaky, baby steps phase of recovery. Her bones are still protruding, she says, and “my elbows are actually bigger than my upper arms.” She explains the emotions and harm coming from the messages of “much of society [that] sees this as a great accomplishment and a sign of strength, willpower and perseverance.”

There was a recent New York Times article looking at how people are judged in the workplace based on their eating habits and appearance. She found one boss’ comment horrifying and, as I had, the ultimate demonstration of ignorance:

“When I’m interviewing someone [for a job] and I see their bones protruding, I know it’s a good hire. They’re extremely disciplined.”

The Times article reported that this attitude appears all too common in the workplace and influences not just hiring, but career advancement and salaries:

A co-worker noticing your third cheeseburger of the week is annoying. But a boss sizing up unhealthy choices carries far more influence.

“In a workplace context, the effect of such judgment is not just social but also potentially economic,” said Philip N. Cohen, an associate professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who has taught courses on the sociology of food. “Why would a co-worker or manager trust you with responsibility at work if they see you making bad decisions in your self-management enterprise during meals?”

There are so many personal stories out there that make the destructive consequences of today’s obsession with “healthy eating” and weight painfully real. They are valuable for us to read and hear because few healthcare professionals and those advocating for the “need” to “do something” to address obesity ever stop to see or face the harm their “healthy eating and exercise” initiatives have, let alone see that they are not based on credible evidence for need or effectiveness.

One of the most powerful personal stories recently came from a blogger commenting on our culture’s “anti-fat hysteria that is currently manifesting in an all out ‘War on Obesity.’” Her comments warmed my heart and I can’t begin to tell her how much they meant to me, but she is admirable. She demonstrated remarkable bravery and did something that a lot of men and women can’t bring themselves to do. She “came out” as a recovering anorectic and shared her private story of the consequences that the diet and weight loss messages had on her growing up. Even years later, those struggles continue.

When I am at a restaurant, it rears its ugly head sometimes. I don't want people to look at me eating, because that little voice is telling me that other people are judging me. They think I shouldn't be eating, because I am fat. It doesn't matter what the food item is; even eating a tomato would make me feel that way, but if it's something like cheesecake, I feel even more self-conscious. It's almost like the sick part of me is reading the minds of other customers:

"Look at her, what does she think she's doing? She shouldn't eat until she is thinner."

"Look, she's eating a salad. Isn't that cute, sweetie...but it probably won't do you any good. Why are you bothering?"

"Maybe she should pass the plate to the skinny boyfriend, she certainly doesn't need it."

Worst of all:

"What's a guy like that doing with a pig like her?"

It's there, and I push it away, but every so often, I'll somehow feel full after only a few bites. Almost nauseated, even, because I'm self-conscious, disgusted with myself for just eating, and feeling guilty for not having the self control to starve myself. Yes, I KNOW it doesn't make any sense. It's completely irrational.

It's beyond tragic how many young people may never come to know normal eating and what it's like to truly enjoy food and take pleasure in eating and sharing it.

The pervasive praise of being thin and fit and the condemnation of fat that’s being taken to heart by growing numbers of young people most worried her. She also reminds us that, despite stereotypes, we cannot tell who is suffering by what they look like on the outside.

I'm worried, because this is something that is so deeply rooted, so insidious, and it's being programmed into the minds of every child and teenager today. Generating paranoia about fat and eating is a foolish and cruel thing to do, and I am truly sorry for all of the young people that are going to suffer for it. Those who have the nerve to starve themselves are going to do it, and those who don't will hate themselves for it. Utterly abominable.

For the record, I'm fat now. I don't know if it's genetic (I generally look like my father in facial features and body shape), or the result of damage to my metabolism done in those miserable teenage years, but here I am. My doctors have declared me wonderfully healthy, with great cholesterol scores, excellent blood pressure, and all that nonsense. My tall, thin significant other, however, who eats the same stuff I do and in about the same amounts, has tested high for "bad" cholesterol. I used to blame my vegetarianism for my good cholesterol and blood pressure, but I guess it's all genetics, baby.

Thank you both, for sharing your stories. I sincerely hope people will read and hear what you are so courageously saying. I hope your words and insights will help to save countless young people from having to learn the hard way and suffer the years of pain you had to endure.